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Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Good and Easy (Version 1974)

It's been a little while since I've had some fun with Betty Crocker. February? March? Too long for sure. I can sit back and blame my shortcomings on the last time I've been inspired by a Betty Crocker cookbook. I haven't perused a book and let her tell me how I should cook, clean, live, laugh, love. Well, it's all coming to a close immediately. 

This isn't my first Good and Easy Cookbook. But it certainly is my last. Life as I know it will cease. I know it will. We all need to find our inner Betty Crocker and run with it! Yeah, I'm not feeling it either. I think my Betty Crocker experience is limited to boxed cake mixes and boxed potatoes. I never claimed to be someone who likes to cook.

Anyway..let's get to the book, shall we? 

Betty Crocker's Good an Easy Cookbook, 1974. Another thing that happened in that year was me. Look out world. I wish I still had relatives to tell me if they actually cooked like this.
Ahh Betty. Always inspiring and letting women know that we CAN do this. All we need is a little Betty to kick us in the asses so we aren't ho-hum.
Alright, I'll stop right here. I need to how to ride the road to good and easy mealtimes. But if I didn't scan things and crop things like an idiot, all of the letters would be there. This just isn't going to happen right and I feel like I have let Busy Women Everywhere down.
That's right. You are part of the lucky ones if you own a freezer in 1974. You are an elite.
Ehh..I'm not going to bash this one because it looks suspiciously good. Maybe I'm just hungry.
Huh? That seems like so much..effort.
Therein lies the problem with pot roast. It does linger on. The smell lingers on for a day or two and I have to get a little eager with the body spray because I feel like I smell of pot roast everywhere I go.
I have a feeling liver and onions would cause the same odor problem. Probably worse. I would either be stuck in the house with a liver and onion smell or go out in with a liver and onion smell. Lose-lose.
Liver Creole. Okay. An unknown of unknowns that I will keep unknown.
Betty's signature Giant Burger. Ground beef and cream cheese. Winning combination. Don't let my sarcasm go over your head.
Looks like it couldn't be too bad. Pineapple Stuffed Spareribs. "Pineapple" and "stuffed" are words to be taken literally. A can of pineapple and a box of stuffing make this happen.
When all else fails, pineapple cherry glazed bologna (or "horse cock" as my father so aptly put it. Took me years to figure out what he meant) should do the hunger pang trick.
Seasoned City Chicken. The only other time I have heard of city chicken was on an episode of Chopped.
Schnitzel Surprise. The surprise could be the ham and cheese in the middle or that there are frozen breaded veal patties being called a schnitzel.
Not coping with cancer. Not coping with depression. Coping with cutlets. Sounds like such a first world problem.
I'm sure the little piggies run to the trough every time they hear the cans opening.
Cheese-Spinach Souffle. The one even I couldn't mess up. Frozen souffle and frozen spinach.
Does anybody remember eating this? It sounds so 1970s. I am trying to see a 1970s woman trying to look this up in her 1974 Betty Crocker's Good and Easy Cookbook and being excited at the find.
Cucumber Relish Mold. Somewhere someone decided that lime jello and cucumber would work together. And there was no going back. 

I'm so shocked this food artistry didn't catch on. Betty was way ahead of her time balancing the prepared food on top of the canned ones. Brilliant. Hot vegetable relishes.
Brussels Sprouts as far as the eye can see.
Creamy Corn and Cucumber. That amount of corn will not be digested for months. Corn and cucumber though? Really?
Oven Fried Eggplant. Okay, this is getting just absurd.
And why not?
Mock Pizza. I used to get this bullshit served in school growing up. They were called pizza burgers and they were nasty. I can still taste them and I think I need to cleanse my palate.

I do believe we have all been Bettyfied and hopefully everyone ends this day a nicer person. I'll struggle with it though.

Fon-due, Fon-Don't and other Southern Gems

I know, I know, I know it has been a while since I have made any effort to update my blog. The excuses would be that I have not been able to think of anything funny or interesting. Summer started and with it, the June birthdays of my children, and I think I needed to take a little time to decide which direction this is going to go. Yes, there is still a flash of red and a pink background. Blogger has changed it's coding a little bit and I'm not going to mess with it. My layout may be red and flashy and then pink, but it's my error I must accept! Oooh, I updated my picture. I am no longer a beef in aspic. I am real. I exist.

Anyway, I've had not so good feelings about the south the past few days so I decided my next step would be to do another Southern Living cookbook. If you are not from the South (which apparently stretches coast to coast), nor are you a depressed Southern Housewife who needs justification that you are special, you can leave. But you won't so laugh away!

Please note my only experience with Fondue is at the Melting Pot restaurant. I'm surely the subject matter expert :)

 The Fondue and Buffet Cookbook, Southern Living, 1971. Always with no writing on the cover, but the inside and spine. Mysterious..
 The Fondue and Buffet Cookbook, Southern Living, 1971. Inside Page. I see fondue. Do you see fondue? I think I can write the word "Fondue" for a while. But I won't.
Time for me to tear into the preface of this a bit. If you are a Northern woman, you lack the creative cooking to provide sustenance to your family. You suck. If you don't believe me, read on. You have to be a Southern Homemaker/Woman to be able to pull this off.
MMMMMMM cheesy fondue (fondue fondue fondue) Okay but what the hell is that folded dark red mess? Salami dipped into cheesy fondue? Oh HAYAL No! I'm a Northern woman who happens to live in the south due to the military but even I know that cheesy goodness is going to taste like salami just because of the odor of salami. Yuck.
Little Fondue 101 for any of you who actually care (not me). They have a point. Last think you want is a sword fight of skewers in your chocolate sauce. Fights will ensue over the dropped chicken. Real fondue isn't like the Melting Pot. There's no rescue spoon to get your dropped stuff out of the broth. You are on your own. So keep it less than 4 people. Because surely you know 4 people who want to come over for fondue. Surely.
I'm sure your eyes are bleeding but did you know fondue is a game? Truly the one who is deft enough to not drop his or her bread in the pot is declared the winner and they get the cheese crust/skin/burn marks on the bottom. Whatever makes you a winner, right?
I don't know what to say except the little grill can almost be awesome. What really grabs my attention is that globe. I swear my mom used to have a globe like that. Lots of compartments in that plate.
Sigh..Into the bubbling pot the meat goes. Laugh, giggle, cook, and all is perfect. HOWEVER, if you are FAT you get BOUILLON! Sniff..I guess I would get boullion. Southern Women and their Southland. Eff them. Boullion.
Hearty Beef Fondue with Hot Gazpacho Sauce. Okay. Great display of raw beef chunkages around the bowl. That's sanitary I'm sure.
Delicious is subjective. And Mrs. Patty Bryant, not too many people say New Mexico is in the south. Go back to your alien watching.
I'm interested because the skewers seem to be standing up by themselves.
Cheese Fondue..If made right it's to die for. It only took the second paragraph to make a Southern Living entry. They must be slacking.
We get it. Southern Homemakers are the standard we all secretly try to attain.
No idea if I ever heard of a Rinktum Ditty with Beans. Pretty sure I don't need to.
Thought it was all well and good, thinking of chocolate fondue when the Southern Women plug deflated my food fantasy.
Chocolate Fondue Marveilleuse. Why yes it does look that way. Oh look, a whole doughnut can be dipped into that tiny bowl. My dental work screams in agony at all of that overtly sweet stuff. Nothing like sugar getting trapped in a cracked filling or a loose crown. It's pleasant.
Chafing dishes. Might seen a few, might used a few, but never owned any. Of course the Southern hostesses know this. Of course they drink the Sterno when nobody is looking. But let's keep it on the hush hush for now.
Welsh Rarebit. Well of course. How could anyone get through that era without their rarebit?
Chicken and Oysters A La King. I will make no pet vomit reference. I will not say I can hear it splatting on the floor. I won't do it.
Forget all the Southern kitsch for a second. It says cereal and I'm going to find me a chafing dish and I am going to eat my Count Chocula from there. That's what we in the North do. But I'm not really in the north..Sigh..
Mushrooms and Eggs in Cheese Sauce Supreme. Why?
I feel like I've read this already but with a few changed words. I'm sensing something here. Second verse, same as the first. (I bet that I got that song in your head)
I'm not devoted to eggs enough to think of this.
Hmmmm Dessert. Lots of Spanish Influence in the Southland apparently.
Crepes. Sure they look normal and I'll just leave them alone because I am positive I could find a gloater. Sometimes crepes just are crepes.
Flaming Strawberry Omelet. I don't see strawberries mixing and I sure can't see burning fire eggs.
Go on....
Double Summer Salad. Two in one. The gelatin layer is grapefruit sections, orange sections with a little rosemary. Seems okay enough to stop but a Southern Homemaker with  brilliant idea decided a crab salad in the middle would be perfecto.

Congealed salad with fresh fruit. I was lost on the word "congealed" Forget the mustard, mayonnaise, cheese, pimiento hidden under the mayonnaise shape. Really. Forget it because this is traumatizing.
Sorrento Salad. Seems a little normal.
German Tuna Potato Salad. This doesn't look like what it says it is. I will play along with their game too.
Sea Breeze Spinach Mold. Yeah I have nothing. 

Well, I hope you enjoyed my welcome back. Thanks for sticking it out with me.