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Saturday, December 15, 2012

We are weighty (Recipe Cards #18)

Hello! I hope everybody is having a decent weekend. First off, like everybody else, I was shocked and saddened about what happened yesterday in Connecticut. Who wouldn't be? I just wanted to hug my kids and tell them I love them, even when they are throwing fits and being the biggest pains in the butt

After much cajoling, arm twisting, foot stomping, arms crossed, shaking my head defiantly, I decided to start a FB for this blog. It's very much in it's embryonic stages but with more followers, I can add more to it. Right now, I feel like I am talking to myself if I sat around updating it and adding blog entries whenever I update.

Here's the link if anybody's interested: 

Moving on from the gratuitous and obligatory FB page promotion, I decided to do more recipe cards. The good news is I have milked the Curtin 1973 udders for all I could and now I am going to enthrall and captivate everyone with 23 of the 1974 Weight Watchers recipe cards. I've had this stack for a while, but Curtin came along and distracted me with its mustard yellow box and few colored cards. 

So let's all jump onto the ole Weight Watchers bandwagon for a spell. We could all use a little distraction. 

They say it's chocolate. I say it's overdone. But if you need to use these cards, then any color of brown can be convincing.

Stuffed peppers. Oh how I hate ye. Even being all high falutin' and stuffed with polenta and an obligatory mushroom is not convincing me of their low caloric potential.
This isn't working either. Shrimp and stuffed peppers? I can't..I just can't!! 
Is this what New Hampshire is famous for? Green peppers stuffed with turkey and doused with what looks like catsup (not ketchup)? Oh let me stay in the South. Even if I am a displaced Hoosier.
I guess if anything can have spinach and tomato sauce thrown into it, then it too can be called "Italiano". Sounds kind of uneducated, but meh.
Eggs and Zucchini. There's a flavor combo I don't want to think about too hard. The two white clumps on top are Grilled Egg Sandwiches. Which one is worse?
Hot mess. That's what this is. A hot mushroom barbecue sauce mess. Is this recipe still in circulation? Does anybody go to their 1970's relatives and have hot mushroom barbecue sauce?
I'm not sure if I want to live in a world where sauces are "mock". Maybe this is the price I pay for bad food choices.
So, we are supposed to savor a scaly pink fish with onion sauce smeared across it? I'm not going to be too critical but what does one get out of this? Would it be better to just put it in a little cup next to the scaly pink fish? Otherwise it gives the impression we are going to be picking our teeth with the tail.
Yes, these do look like patties of sort. Shit patties. Like the stuff you step in at a petting zoo and don't realize it until you are on the way home and someone smells like lamb shit and you are torn between throwing the shoe out the window or cursing silently for not listening when the person working there said, "Watch out for the lamb patties on the ground."
Is this tangy because it has lemon or is it tangy with lemon? It must take more than 4 tablespoons of lemon juice to give veal a tang.
I bet the tuna aroma coming from this when the puff is pierced is just delightful. The hiss as tuna steam is released.
Why? Just why? I'm even more convinced not to try it just by looking at all the rusty metal surrounding it. Not saying I was even remotely interested in trying this. I just don't believe I've had a tetanus booster in a while.
Meatballs and cranberries. Makes my mouth pucker and water at the same time. Neither of which are good happy feelings.
Have no fear about these "Cocktail Favorites".
Because they are "legal". Drink away. You are breaking no laws. Except for drinking hot water, instant chicken broth packet, lemon juice, bitters, and canned mushrooms and trying to call it a Martini.
I've come to the conclusion the people behind these cards never had a weight problem per se. They are thumbing their noses and flipping the middle finger for those who do. Nobody a few pounds over deserves anything more than beef broth, lime juice, and water. It surely is a Lime Special because no other names could be created.
I don't think the artist behind this picture was trying to earn any points in the presentation category. I can almost overlook the fact they are made of unflavored gelatin and coffee and frozen. Almost. I'm not there yet.
Bahaha, let's make fun of the overweight people by creating a recipe and calling it "pie". That's a knee slapper I tell you. It even has green and red food coloring in the recipe because red and green does make brown after all. There are approximately 12 ingredients in this recipe and a tablespoon of chocolate extract to make it chocolatey.
Who doesn't love a good molded salad? Especially one made of unflavored gelatin, diet cherry or lemon lime soda, chopped cooked beets, and canned pineapple?
"Cream" made of hard boiled egg yolks, cottage cheese, mustard, vinegar. Don't worry, the egg whites aren't being wasted. They are mixed in with the cucumbers somewhere. This recipe calls for 2 tablespoons of salt. That's the most salt I've seen in a recipe in a long time.
I guess I would have to understand the history behind "Billi-B" to come up with something satirical. Google isn't showing me much.
This is just a shade of pink nobody talks about anymore. Who would want to? Everything about it screams angrily.
 Hope you all feel just a little less weighty! 

1 comment:

  1. I can't understand why you'd go to the effort of preparing an artichoke but make a fake sauce! I need an illegal martini now, just thinking about it.