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Thursday, November 8, 2012

The Calm (Recipe Cards #11)

Do you hear that? It's silence. The election is over and all seems right with the world. Attack ads are gone. I can watch Discovery ID (don't judge) without being bombarded with nothing but political ads. It's not very quiet on FB. In fact, reading some of these rabid posts, make me want to reach into the screen and force feed them some Prune Whip or Californian Jello Ring. Maybe they will get some catharsis and can relax! It will be alright. Don't shoot the messengers. They are as entitled to posting their delight at the results as the others have been entitled to post all of their mean posts over the past few months! A few bites of prunes submersed in gelatin will appease everybody

Sometimes it's good to be on the mellow side of things.

Anyway, I'm on the recipe card kick and Marguerite Patten is still offering me inspiration. I'll get back to the books eventually

I get the drumstick! I get the drumstick! Me! Me! Pick me! I don't care if they look segmented, sick, gangrenous, or dead. Prunes as an afterthought. Because this wouldn't work if it was sans prunes.
Bacon. The most overrated food idea of the past few years. Bacon chocolate, bacon soap, bacon candles, bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon. This isn't your everyday Jello thickened cornstarch pudding. It's savory bacon pudding. Did I mention it has bacon? Meh.

There's just something creepy morbid about a poor little rabbit being made into a fricassee and hidden under a thick white sauce and mushroom caps serving as its grave marker. What are they trying to hide anyway? A dead rabbit? It can't be worse than the guinea fowl legs. Trust me, Marge, we have seen worse food from these cards.

If anybody wanted to know what to do with the attic pigeons or the pigeons crapping all over the place, here's a good start. I'm sure that's a sanitary idea.

I get the chicken part. I quasi get the milky what sauce covering the chicken like a bad porno movie. What I am raising my eyebrows at are the sliced bananas served atop boiled eggs served atop milky white sauce over chicken.

Turkey Loaf. Nothing like a yellow loaf to bring out the good in people. May all people savor a slice of cold turkey, ham, onion, apples, cream of chicken soup, and gelatin. Food and people go great together. The turkey loaf is the proverbial icing on the cake.

What is the difference between a Country Pate and a Country Pâté? The lack of accents which would make it be pronounced "payte" instead of "Pah-tay." To make a successful payte, cooking the bacon is optional.
Danish Liver Pate, or payte. Scored for your pleasure.

Another variation on the salmon mousse. This doesn't need to be fish shaped to express its sheer awesomeness. It just needs to BE. The cucumbers are thinner than a piece of paper and the gherkins are artfully arranged. Ditch that fish mold and go round.
Florentine Ring. Or cow's cud shaped in a ring mold. I bet it shows up in the toilet as green and fibrous as it did going into the mouth. Would it make it into a mouth?
In my last post, I chuckled at Texan Three Ring Rice, giggled at the Californian Jello Ring, but now I have to show the phony outrage at the Pork Indiana. I spent 19 years of my life in Indiana and never ate something called Pork Indiana. But then again, there's more than corn in Indiana, right?
Either or, neither nor please.
Will eating this give you a Darwin Award? Will your meager existence be a blurb in a hardcover book in the clearance section of Barnes and Noble? Is it worth the risk?
Is it? I guess we are going to have to take Margie's word on it. For all we know it's an empty shell, redolent of how I feel looking at this. If it's not bleeding steak and kidneys, it's not real.
This is one stiff mousse. It's not melting and bleeding over the sides.
I can smell this. I don't need it to be cooked to have part of my olfactory system think of how bad this will smell.
AWWWW isn't that the cutest little igloo cake EVER? I didn't think so.
Beware Hansel! Beware Gretal! The angel outside of this chocolate cottage wants to get you inside so she can fatten you and cook you and make you part of her chocolate cottage.
Now I hope there is calmness and serenity throughout the internet world. It could be worse or it could be better. We could be eating this crap on a daily basis!!!  


  1. Are those apples slices on the roof of that cottage??
    Also - the banana slices on the chicken - WHAT?

    1. Yes! Apple slices. My next post has its opposite, a white cottage that looks the same, down to the applie roof. The bananas are really gross because directly underneath are hardboiled eggs so if someone ate this, they would get a bite full of questionable chicken, secret sauce, boiled eggs, and banana. Ick!

  2. Milk Chicken is the recipe that made me want to get a set of these cards in the first place!

    1. I think I saw a pin for it and HAD to get them. I had no idea there were eggs underneath the banana slices. Oh lawdy!