Appetite Killers (Recipe Cards #9)

Good Saturday evening to everybody! It's time once again to roll out some more of my gazillion recipe cards. I even got another set but that is fun for another day. These 1974 Weight Watchers cards have been the worst out of all the card collection I have. Doublespeak would say that they have been the best. 

When trying to cut calories and lose weight, what better way to show that we are a group of gluttonous trough feeders than by looking at these cards? If knowing your life is going to be spent chowing down on salmon cake or "foods" like the ones I am about to show does not make someone sink into a deep and sad depression than nothing will. 

Enjoy and you all were warned! Of course a warning from me is encouragement to continue to the cards. 

Doublespeak! 

What the hell kind of "taco" is that? If it has to be in "quotation marks" than it's not a "taco" at all. It's a slice of bread with shredded cabbage, fish, 800 herbs and spices. This "taco" sucks. Aside from 1/4 tsp of chili powder, there's nothing in this recipe that would go into a "taco". Not even close.

This is "fried" because nobody in their right mind would be convinced to eat something that is not breaded and deep fried in oil. What kind of hippy moron actually eats fish that has been cooked in a pan with non-stick spray and lightly seasoned? Shudder to think. Sarcasm should be duly noted. If not, you probably don't want to be here.

Okay, this is the one and only apt description of "food" in "quotation marks" I will accept. When push comes to shove, would you rather eat "butter" or butter? Hydrogenated oil dyed yellow or trans fats?

It's perfection at its rosiest and finest of all salads. What can be more perfect than shredded red cabbage with artificial sweetener, vinegar, all in a perfectionist's mold? If this is perfection than I would hate to see what flawed looks like.

I have no doubts there is shrimp. I can see the oranges. What I am having a problem with is the little dish full of Montezuma's Revenge in the middle. That's one way to drop a few pounds.

Cappuccino. Because cappuccino is usually that color and texture. Did I mention that this is not frozen? It's been blended way past the point of no return.

Um. Just the type of refreshing beverage I would like to drink while I am counting my calories. The asparagus swizzle stick is a might fine addition. Mighty fine indeed.

Think for a second of the wet plopping sound this would make when it hits the plate. Nothing says calorie counters deserve to die a slow and painful death of starvation than chopped chicken liver. The skeleton chicken above is there to serve as a grim reminder to those who need to use Weight Watchers recipe cards.

Cake? You don't deserve real cake, fatty! This salmon cake with sliced hard boiled eggs and a sprinkling of black pepper is the closest thing you will get to a cake. Cheers!

This begs the question of where the pear begins and the salmon salad ends.

When it comes down to this being what you have to eat whilst counting calories, maybe it's a good time to start smoking crystal meth.

Forgive my error. Salmon Cake was not the last cake. It's better to eat little fish cakes that look like brains anyway. Would you like an embedded lime sliver to go with it? But of course!

  

The devil's in the details. Or in this case, salmon. Topped with "diablo croutons" this one's a keeper. I feel my cankles slimming back into ankle shape just by looking at this.

And this is when you know there is no way out of the downward spiral you have created in your eating to the excess. It's as sad as the jeans that don't fit, the extra back boobage. Sigh.

Now this is a party! Square burgers instead of round? I need to be there. It's out of control! Scandalous, even.

I'm thinking this beef loaf (not meatloaf) could use a few more minutes under the broiler.

Hungry yet?