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Monday, October 1, 2012

Fruit. Why not?

In the short time since I've been doing this blog, I've covered just about every topic. Microwave cookbooks, Betty Crocker and "her" shortcomings, tuhds, countless Better Homes and Gardens books, recipe cards, and now I'm going to make fruit the topic of the day. 

It's hard to imagine fruit used as anything more than a garnish or suspended in gelatin. I have the book but I'm still not convinced fruit was really used for much more than those. It was served in chemical form maybe. There was the suggestion of fruit.

I'm ready if you are. There's a slight break from maggoty meat, casseroles. I'm not going to say this is going to be sweet and succulent because it's about fruit. Where would the fun be in that?

Better Homes and Gardens So Good With Fruit, 1967
Fruit Medley Elegante. Because without the "e" at the end, it's just a fruit salad.
Even as a kid at neighborhood parties, when there was a hollowed out watermelon, we knew there was going to be something strong and alcoholic in it. The vines do nothing to hide this fact. Cute try though.

The appearance of this brings me back to my twenties. It's not a place where I want to return. Many a night was spent with my head in the toilet after drinking too many of these. Many a day was spent with my head in the toilet after drinking too many of these.
I see this Fruit Cup Tower, a "guide to succulent fruit combinations" and I have to wonder the schematics of this. Does one grab from the top? Is it like Jenga? Is it acceptable to grab from the middle and stack as you go? What happens if someone wants the strawberries and peaches in the middle? What is holding these glasses in place? I imagine a lot of broken glass and a lot of broken hearts.
I could say this is the least maggoty rice picture I have seen. However, steak is rolled up and is the size of a canned pineapple overshadows this observation. Does anybody want to eat spiral shaped stake with huge pineapple rings over a bed of rice that doesn't look like maggots?

Another attempt at selling prunes and dried peach pot roast onto the public. Success is pending.

Ham Pineapple Loaf indeed! Ham, pineapple, ham, pineapple, ham, pineapple. The purpose of the wiener plate above is not depicted. First time I've seen wieners just for background decoration.

Orange Glazed Ham Loaf. What is glaze in one's eyes is spooned grease in another's.
This is an "all time favorite". SPAM and pork and beans. Since this is about fruit, it must have fruit! Let's add some chopped canned peaches to the mix. Fruit cannot and will not be left out. If this is an all time favorite, then the bar is set pretty low.
Apple buttered pork loin. Maybe it doesn't look bad. How horrible can it be if it has three different types of citrus stacked proudly atop it? I'm thinking pretty bad too.
24 Hour Salad. While it lacks the foods I won't eat, I have to wonder how long the marshmallows will remain firm and not turn to squish? 24 hours. Anything after that is going to be brown and swarming with gnats.
You didn't think I would forget the molds did you? Chicken Melon Mousse with Special Guest Canteloupe. Does it have to make sense?

Spring Salad Ring. There's a glistening crown of lime gelatin. Every and all thing palatable stops at the glistening crown. Cream cheese, mayonnnaise, gelatin, cucumbers, onions, and pineapple does not fit into the palatable way of life. That really is a glistening crown. It shimmers in a way that makes my heart lurch. Or is that my stomach?
The idea of a mandarin souffle is innocuous enough. It's the presentation that kills it.

Strawberry banana mold. I don't say this often but I'd probably eat it.
Frosty Salad Loaf. Looks like it's bursting with fruit flavor. Cherries! Apricots! Marsmallows! Pineapple! Cream Cheese and Sour Cream. Forget about it.
What better thing to dip fruit into besides melted chocolate? Cherry Cream Dressing. If I can get past the cream cheese and mayonnaise. Egh..I can't get past the cream cheese and mayonnaise.
This crab salad luncheon is sophisticated because it's served in a Persian Melon shell. Not a canteloupe. A Person Melon shell. Canned crab meat, MSG, mayonnaise, eggs, celery, and olives. All stuffed in a Persian Melon shell.
Plum Pudding with Fluffy Hard Sauce. I was chagrined to find out a hard sauce is just a stiff buttercream. Tricky.
It's almost like this rack was meant to hold ice cream sundaes and ice cream sundaes only. Look a how smug they are posing.
Apricot Stuffed Chops with a side of radioactive isotope goo. You'll glow for centuries.
Hong Kong Hamburger and Oriental Tuna Sandwich. So delicious and so worthy of bragging that everything is covered or hidden.
Let this be a lesson in why fruit should stay sweet and not cross into the path of savory. 



  1. For some reason those pictures remind me of The Golden Girls.