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Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Groovy Betty Crocker

A few days ago, I introduced you to the psychedelic side of Betty Crocker. Unbeknownst to me, Betty Crocker's experimentation in hallucinogens did not end at that one book. There are OTHERS!! I just so happened to get one today. 

I'm going to just come out and say that this book makes no sense. The recipes are some acid-trippy language that I could only understand if I was in that same groovy acid world. The names of the recipes have me shaking my head in befuddlement. Maybe if I was tripping balls, I would understand what she was talking about. Maybe those years of telling women how perfect they needed to be took their toll on ole Bets. After all, she did have the women of the 1960s to scare. 

Betty Crocker's Merry Makings 1960. Fun Foods for Happy Entertaining. Her definition of FUN and entertaining is different than any sane person. Or sober person. 
First we have the obligatory Betty letter to her friends. She wants us to have a great time and then she throws in a zinger about flour. Experts can tell you that the pluperfect brunch is brighter than breakfast and lighter than lunch. Okay, what in the world is a "pluperfect"?
The feastivus begins with Morning Glories. A Brown Eyed Susan would be putting orange slices around prunes. Uh, Bets I'm seeing a little punctuation faux pas. Fruit Combo's? Really? Enjoy those Flap Happies. In a normal world, we call them pancakes but this world is inflicted by a hallucinogen. Right, Bet? Paris Puffins are next. I think a muffin would make more sense.
Jive talkin' a la Betty Crocker. Look at that creepy pie. What is so funny about a pie with a smile on it? I need to just make the polite laugh only reserved for big events where you have to make that polite laughter.
Tomato Aspic and Shrimp Pie. Strange as it may seem, but it's probably the most normal thing in this book.
These names are just stupid. It's not cute, and it's not creative. They are just stupid. Somewhere in this world, someone thinks they are hilarious though. That concerns me.
I get what a Welcome Matter is. I just don't know if a new family should expect to be invited to the block party if she makes "chewy chortles" to her new neighbors.
An ice ring in the punch is a "joke-stir". Ugh.. take me out of my misery. Even those prettily wrapped tuhds aren't cheering me.
My 7 year old daughter is capable of making better poems. I also would like to point out that this glockenspiel is not anywhere near 7 so if I was being reprimanded for eating snicker snacks in dippy beans for my appeteaser, I would like to let the hostess know that she needs to tell time or maybe make an wind her clock. Or maybe she can get one that has all of the numbers on it and save us the argument.
What in this not yet hippy age is a Lapper Supper?" And why does a buffet have to be gay? Can't it just be considered a spread of food? Not everything in Betty's myopic little world has to be gay.

This is certainly an awkward picture. The lady is either creeped out by the man who is not watching what he is doing with the pepper shaker or she sees what kind of food is being served.
It looks like Mr. Monocle is breaching some form of etiquette by putting on his fancy Bib 'n' Tuckers bib. Note the despair in the face of everyone around him. Good job, sir.

Rolls should be droll. Should they be anything but?
Who is the giver and who is the taker? Either way, only one will end up alive.
 And this is the end of a weird book from Betty Crocker. There are more. I'm going to wait to post on them. Two days with Betty Crocker is two days too many for me.


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