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Thursday, August 30, 2012

More Horrors of Mayonnaise

I have mentioned before that the one food that horrifies me is mayonnaise. This should come as no surprise to those who remember and enjoyed this post . There are those of us out there who cringe, gag, wilt and the thought of mayonnaise. Anyone who knows me can attest to the level of irritation I have when I specifically order something without mayonnaise and find it slathered. I think I would rather the fast food employee spit in it. There's no scraping that shit off either. It has melded to the bread and I KNOW it was there. I am eternally grateful that I married someone who hates this off white stinky pus like substance as much as I do. 

Endless searching brought me to this booklet. It's a bit dated. As in 1930 dated. I can safely assume that there aren't too many people around who actually used this booklet in 1930 to feed their families. Low blow! But true! I was going to have a fun filled time tearing into this company but to my chagrin, it still exists. Oh well. I can still mock the recipes. That's what I do best. I will give them credit for still being around though. Not that a product of theirs will ever sneak past me and find its way into my digestive tract. 

I did notice that they also go by Hellman's which makes it seem like the difference between Edy's Ice Cream and Dreyer's.

The Salad Bowl, 1930.
Mayonnaise is not vogue. This is definitely a dated book. There are two options for mayonnaise and women can become or remain slender by eating this. I'll stay away from this slenderizing diet twice a day. I'm sure I can find healthier options if I want to eat less oil. Should I ever be a hostess, I will not experiment with two different type of mayonnaise and my taste will never be suited because that will not go near me!

Who would have thought there would be mayonnaise etiquette? I will remember that jars of this "stuff" are so beautiful that I will leave them right on the table. (Twitch, twitch, twitch)

Less Oil!! Home boiled and sweet-tart-spicy. I'm not going to go there. I bet it's an especial favorite with men. And women can grow slender. Is that an oxymoron? How can you "grow slender"?

This selected pickles and IMPORTED pimientos ground small and piquant (I am starting to hate that word) is so important, so new, that it can't be called a "spread". It's a SPRED. Get it right or don't eat it! You are not worthy to enjoy piquant.

It's not just piquant. It adds piquancy.

It's 2012. I'd like to challenge the indefinite crispness claim.

If you aren't doing a candling test before breaking your eggs, then you are doing something wrong. This is really a bad ingredient description and I have been made aware that I need to put the Crystal Jar on my table because I am usually a bumpkin and am lucky if my plates match on any given day. I need a jar of mayonnaise to inspire me. (UGH)
If not for that Crystal Jar this would look like a lettuce leaf and a tomato stuffed to the gills with mayonnaise. Very crafty!
If not for the addition of a few beans and beets this would look exactly like the picture above. Except the picture has been rotated giving the impression the Crystal Jar has been moved south which would suck for someone who is right handed. I'm the only lefty in my family and I am not cleaning up shards of Crystal Jar and gloppy mayonnaise from my floor.
This stuffed green pepper begs the question. Did they just scoop mayonnaise out of whatever vegetable shell and eat it like pudding? Crystal Jar is perfectly placed behind the colored disks of whatever they are. Cookies? Gnawing plastic to stave off the pangs of hunger because the idea of eating mayonnaise straight out of a wilted green pepper shell so vile?

Grapefruit and Orange Salad. I need to take a breather. I can't process this.
Okay. Exhale. Just let me get through the next few pictures. Liver put through a food chopper with cottage cheese and mayonnaise.
This needs a picture. I can only hope whomever makes this recipe at least took the time out to do some candling to their eggs.
What exactly is the surprise? Do I want to know? Do I need to know?
At least time was taken to deturd the shrimp. The Crystal Jar is ever so subtle.
And what a dysfunctional family it is! Butter is bad! Vegetable Oleomargerine is not. Upon further consideration, butter is probably healthier than any of these seven products.
This is the best page of the entire book! An empty plate!
 I'm not one to brag, but this seriously is one of the most disgusting posts I have made. 


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