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Friday, August 31, 2012

Big and Beefy

If you have compromised arteries then I suggest you go no further than this sentence. There are 52 other posts that will not make your triglycerides triple or the plaque on your arterial walls break free. There's even one that is anti-coronary. Proceed with caution!

If the scare tactics did not deter you, then you have the coronary arteries of champ! 

It's all about beef today. Red, juicy, saturated fat, cow flesh and muscle. Sometimes there are some prions left over and cows get a little bit of BSE. It's all good. Because we love our BEEF! Happy cows make for a happy slaughter and give us happy beef. 

Better Homes and Gardens Beef Recipes, 1977

All of those creative suggestions and this is what they come up with? Okay. If that's how this book is going to be, I am going to have to start gnawing on that candle. Is that an angry cow in the background?

Does this look infected? Why yes it does! 
What special dinner would warrant a roast wrapped snugly in a flaky pastry with fresh mushroom liver paste? At what point in the meal would said wife tell friend husband that she's having an affair and presenting him with the divorce papers?

Now this is BEEF at its finest. That inch of fat and fatty skin should make anyone want to do a colon cleanse. Wouldn't want it to snag on the polyps or make the piles worse coming out. Have some astringent pads handy and a good book.

Yes, 2-3 days sitting in a sweet-sour marinade will give it a characteristic flavor. It's called spoiled.
I would think it's never a good idea to vomit on the pot roast while it's cooking.
What can only look like a cross section of a muscle. Or corned beef. But muscle is more imaginative. Glazed to perfection, striated, peachy, parsley.
If it's raves you want, then maybe making this look less like a maggot infestation in roadkill would get some positive feedback.
Make the most of your cow flesh! Roll it up with cud and get your money's worth.
Another failure in presentation. Maybe want to have it look less like an effective roundworm deworming and more like something edible. Just throwing it out there.
Eat this and this is what your arteries will look like before the quadruple bypass. Or maybe your stool.
This is my thoughts on what I want to do with this manicotti wannabe with its three cups of cottage cheese stuffing. Plop plop plop.

You want to know what will make this taco burger more of a success? A top bun. Difficult but not impossible.
Hopefully the nitroglycerin and AED are nearby. Have a good, fun, beefy Labor Day weekend.


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