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Sunday, July 8, 2012

The Versatility of Canned Biscuits

I'm taking a break from the Betty Crocker bashing for a little while. I have several more books but right now I want to go back to the main point. The ugly food of days gone by. The minimal effort, maximum additives and preservatives days. 

Until I bought this little booklet, I foolishly believed Pillsbury biscuit in a can was just something you made if you wanted bread but didn't want to bake it and sliced bread wasn't good enough. Almost everybody has a can of it in their refrigerators. Who doesn't like the heart attack moment when the can doesn't open right away? Put the end of a spoon in a crease and POP! Bang it on a counter and POP! 

From Pillsbury: The Convenience Cookbook, copyright unk. It's just too awesome and implied that it will withstand the test of time!

A sweet, refreshing letter from ANN PILLSBURY. I bet she's about as real as Betty Crocker. I've learned something important and that is the expiration date on canned dough does not matter. That's good because I've kept and used the products beyond the expiration date and everyone in my house is still alive. In fact, I have a can of Grand's Cinnamon rolls from March 2012 that I just might bake some day. I also have a box of Hamburger Helper from 1996 that I probably won't cook.
Who would have thought that if you put the cinnamon rolls in a round pan and release them at once you are making a coffee cake shaped like a daisy? Top a little jam on it and it's a delicacy beyond any and all comprehension. Don't forget to grease the pan!
Quiche Lorraine. The crust is made with Cresecent rolls. Now you can just buy a roll of crescent roll dough without going through the troubles of separating the little triangles and rolling them. How technology has evolved!
A flower made of circles made of circles made of circles. That's art. I don't care who you are. That's friggen art! The effort involved in those crescent rolls are 2 cans of crescent roll dough, 2 packages of ham slices, and raisin pie filling. What raisins will contribute to this I will never know.
Hearts shoved in hearts! Since this book revolves around canned biscuits, anything and everything else is an afterthought.
Seafood Imperial.Canned soup and canned seafood topped with canned biscuits. But look at that tomato and avocado aspic! There's avocados in it! Sick!
Holiday Cornish Hens! The recipe is irrelevant. The big green ornaments are irrelevant. The silver salt and pepper shakers are irrelevant. The fanned biscuit is what makes this recipe. Remember that!
It takes a special man to appreciated continental steak rolls with sour cream sauce and the cherry filled brownie torte.
Cherry filled brownie torte! It requires no effort. Canned cherry pie filling, canned icing, canned brownie dough. There was canned brownie dough? A special man would appreciate this.
Find the biscuits! Hidden between the same colored cheese! What a game! Open your mind and look beyond the cheese. There are Pillsbury Flaky Rounds somewhere in this sea of yellow orange shapes.
Two different types of "wellingtons". Both are topped with refrigerated dough. That's right. Slap some sophistication onto your meatloaf by adding a can of dough and call it a "wellington". Surely the people eating will think there is an air of sophistication. Meatloaf Wellington. Roast Beef Wellington with broiled mayonnaise tomatoes. I'm salivating thinking of that! 
What can be more sophisticated than sipping cold bouillon flavored with barbecue sauce? Can anyone make it past a sip?
Come over for lasagna! Cans of biscuit dough covering succulent ingredients like 2 lbs of cottage cheese, canned mushrooms, raw spinach. Be sure to take leftovers (wink)
Do not be beguiled by the big cheese ball. This cookbook is not about the big cheeseball. This book is about the biscuits.
Such a clever way to display turbid beverages in ridiculous glasses. Put them in a little "b" for "beverage". I get it!

Pillsbury kids are happier than Betty Crocker kids.
If I sent $5.95 to this address will I expect to receive the above cookbook? Probably not. Well there's ebay and yes I did buy it. I got it for $2.00 thank you very much.
 This post was about the pictures! The versatility of refrigerated dough. Think of making a wellington or top your lasagna with canned biscuits next time.

Maybe I'll make my March 2012 Grands Cinnamon Rolls and see if the theory stands.

Until next time! 


  1. The Cornish hen looked as if it had maggots crawling out of a festering wound in its sacrum.

  2. This commentary is great!! Shared it!

  3. awful piece of information, I had come to know about your blog from my friend vimal, mumbai,i have read atleast 3 posts of yours by now, and let me tell you, your blog gives the best and the most interesting information. This is just the kind of information that i had been looking for, i'm already your rss reader now and i would regularly watch out for the new posts, once again hats off to you! Thanks a million once again, Regards, cornish hen recipe