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Monday, July 30, 2012

Penny Pinching the Betty Way

Yes, this post is another one devoted to Betty Crocker. No, I do not admire "her" enough to make every blog from here on out about why there was so much bad from Betty Crocker. Keep in mind that there were hundreds of Betty Crocker books that have been published. 

Financial woes fall upon everybody. Household budgets need to be maintained. Betty Crocker has a surefire way to do just that! I speak fluent sarcasm. 1973 or 2012. What's the difference? 

I know every penny counts but I'd rather spend my extra pennies on food of a higher quality. 

Now that you are all licking your chops and eyes are scanning your screens maniacally, I will begin! 

Betty Crocker's Money Saving Dinners, 1973. The green is not as blinding as yesterday. More-dashes-between words. If I suck as a cook, I can come out on top handily and happily because Betty Crocker is quite the strategic one! I have no idea what a season-up is but I'm willing to learn.
A motivational and inspiring greeting from Betty Crocker "herself". Aside from my this being a bad scan, it's a bevy of information. Three sections, three ideas, and a CHALLENGE! I love a good challenge..and a need for change. I see this as a downgrade. I'll pass on this chance. There are 32 opportunities to cook creatively. Let's get on that! The state of my budget is my guide.
Oooh Betty's first Good-Buy Word!! Getting the most out of protein with beans sounds harmless. The sad, forlorn faces of the meat sources outside is enough to make my nose tickle and a tear to form.
BAHAHAHA. In 1973 costs for seasonal vegetables is lower and the quality is higher. Unless we shop at farmer's markets, chances are that tomato has been sitting unripe for weeks. The nutritional value of canned vegetables is practically nonexistent whether it's Grade A or Fancy. Nice try at touting the canned goods, Bets. Nice try.
I admit, my vocabulary has some weak points. And the word "fillip" had me thinking Betty was trying to single out Filipinos. However, I looked it up and it means several things. One of which is something that stimulates or excites. Also something stimulating or arousing. Finally, something of little importance. Americans must get excited and aroused at frankfurters. What does that say for our society? We love the weiner!
I'm not going to keep my eye out for ground beef supplemented with vegetable protein sources. What a cute way of saying "it all broils down". I see what you did there, Betty. I see. Cute.
Kraut N'Sausage Ring. I don't think I need to say much more about this. It's self explanatory. It shouldn't be, but it is.
Mmmmm..cannelloni. So saucy and cheesy and melted. I just HAVE to have this recipe.
Chicken livers. This recipe has chicken livers in it. Forget payoff and cashing on a good thing and molto bene.Vaffanculo Betty! If I learned anything during my years in Italy, it was the important words.
Because process cheese spread is so good for you.
Everyone gets a meatloaf. Everyone. That's the world we live in. A meatloaf for everyone. Or, tuhds.
All kidding aside, these are the whitest damn apples I have ever seen. No adjustments were made during the scanning process. Does this shade of white exist in nature? Certainly not with apples.
Sometimes, quality wins out. Sometimes a bag of potatoes goes farther than potato flakes. Another nice try at touting the processed stuff.
My children are not dumb. I'm pretty sure they are going to catch on to drinking reconstituted dry milk. They are wise little beings. They might be wiser to what I am trying to sneak past them.
Alright. I have posted some gross pictures. I know that. The purpose of my blog is to point this out. Nothing is as disgusting to me as what looks like maggots are crawling over this chicken. What is on top? Maggots. Chow mein noodles is what is in the recipe. I can't get past this maggot chicken. It looks like it is moving if I shift my eyes. GAG!

A penny saved is a penny earned. 

U.N.T. (like that? I abbreviated it.). 

Betty Crocker's two cents on low cal

I've not hidden my disdain for good ole Betty Crocker in any posts. Maybe "her" (because there was never a Betty Crocker) way of trying to help the housewife was considered the standard by which women ran a household but reading these books through the eyes of someone 50+ years later, I have to give a big ole WTF. 

The book used in this posting is what appears to be part of a collection that came out in 1973. This is the only time I have edited the color in the pictures because the font color is the cornea burning green of the front cover.

Low calorie here we come since we already feel like slovenly fools! 

Front and back of Betty Crocker's Low Calorie Cookbook, 1973

Betty Crocker's Low-Calorie Cookbook, 1973. I had to put the back on. Just reading it makes me MOTIVATED! I want to shed-some-points and-start-putting-a-dash in several-groups-of -words. I'm already a winner at the losing game!
Strain those eyes. What Betty Crocker book would be complete without a passive aggressive greeting? Neon green with white letters does not make for good reading. MY EYES! Make it stop! Again, I did a little color editing so this won't be an issue.
What did it? When? What was the tipping point for me? If anyone said anything about my weight, I think I can handle it. I've borne children. I'm in my late 30s. I'm not trim and I sure as HELL am not going to look at my not-trim self in a 3-way mirror. A size 8? Wow, that's setting the bar kind of low. I thought people wanted to be a zero. My new mantra indeed will be "What is meant by a serving". Yeah I don't normally keep vegetable juices and evaporated milk on hand and I'm not about to. I guess my survivor kit for whatever apocalypse I need to prepare for will not let me survive. Ugh, graph paper? As in paper with squares on it? And, THINK THIN!
That's right. You read it here. Use that MSG to your advantage. I would rather have beautifully broiled lean, tougher meats than the ensuing MSG feel like crap syndrome.
Okay, first my ice maker is just not that awesome. Surely I trust the ingredients in any recipe enough that I don't need to taste it before presenting it to my family. I think they'd like mushy pasta and unseasoned sauce. I'll just drink my real large ice water, look pissed and hope I don't burn myself while I try not to sample my cooking.
To save you the eyestrain, this recipe is No Noodle Lasagna meaning that zucchini is being used for noodles. Not a bad idea per se and I'm sure that someone on Pinterest can make this look like I want to eat my screen. A carton of cottage cheese.UGH! I'm hedging my bets that my family is not going to want seconds. I'm hedging my bets that my family will never want me to cook this for them.
Because Betty Crocker likes to pull numbers out of the air and I cannot find conclusive evidence that this meal actually contains 395 calories, I'm raising the BS flags on her. This is the lasagna. It might look good except for that mug of glue and those cottage cheese curds. I don't even want the breadsticks.
I'm going to reckon on not even attempting this. I'm going to reckon on not having guests to eat my no noodle lasagna. There's a modicum of respect with those outside my family who have to eat my cooking.
Minds out of the gutter. These are exercise clocks. Or was I the only one with a mind that went south?
If Betty Crocker decided it was 385 calories, then it was 385 calories. I'm going to try that technique. Next time I sit down with a big bowl of ice cream, I am going to put 100 calories on a piece of paper. It's believable. Why should I believe there's only 385 calories in this?

I should be able to pull of the con artistry involving feeding my children. Make the plates "attractive", smaller plates, and fill the gaps with parsley and celery leaves. I'm sure that looking at something my guinea pigs eat would make my covert operation work for my picky kids. That kid sees a bullshit artist. She can pull parsley out of her magician hat and maybe the dipshit mom should do this without her child in view.
When I'm dieting, I too get pissed off enough that I will eat the flowers. I can relate.

395 calories for carrot sticks that look like french fries, spinach, some weird salad, a glass of glue and the piece de le resitance, a pickle with fish wrapped around it. A pickle with fish wrapped around it? Oy. I'll just eat the carrots that look like french fries because I fool easily.
Ole Bety is just making it up again I see. We are supposed to believe there are only 405 calories to this. I'm guessing 500. Do I get a prize?
Alright, I"m taking issue with this. I was born in 1974. This book came out in 1973. What this is telling me is that the new generation was fed aspic, molds, organ meat, smoked cigarettes, drank, ate meatloaf, and drank beef broth while pregnant with people of my generation. No wonder we are so screwed up! It's not like our predecessors are doing anything to promote healthy eating either with all the crap in foods! It's personal, Betty. What did Betty Crocker do for us? Invented Hamburger Helper. Thanks Betty Crocker CORPORATION.

Did you get anything out of this cookbook? I didn't either. I know I can put numbers in front of things and that is surely the calorie count! Why didn't I think of that before? I would be trim and able to flex and flaunt in front of a three way mirror! 

Until next time!! Seriously. I will find a closing. I'm working on it! 

Friday, July 27, 2012

The Ones That Got Away

In honor of surpassing my page views goal, I decided to take a break from the usual nasty cookbook theme. I owe all of you who look at this blog with interest and come back a big thank you! All of my hard work has paid off as I get close to the 2,000 page view. That may seem paltry but in the blogosphere, it's excellent for a new blog. Please continue to follow or read! If you have any ideas for topics, I am open to suggestions.

What makes this a work in itself? Every week I get noless than 10 cookbooks. Whether it's from the thrift stores, used book stores, or ebay, I am always getting something. I am at a used book store, find a book that piques my interest, come home and have nothing to say about it no matter how hard I pick. Ebay books come and they aren't quite what I thought they would be and I search for an angle of interest without success. If I haven't put more than 10 tabs, I know it's not going to work. I'd rather have one quality blog entry than something forced for the sake of doing a daily blog entry. 

Believe it or not, most books just don't make it to the scan stage. This entry is focused on ones that could not make it. I've tried and read over them a few times, but I couldn't milk a dry cow. I need good pictures and some topic. For every ten that I have, only one makes it up here.

Here are the ones that just couldn't work. Believe me, I've tried.

The Complete Jello Recipe Book, 1929. This booklet came out before Jello got scary. There are several drawn illustrations but nothing that would make a full blog entry.

Baker's Cookbook, 1905. I could find nothing bad or ugly about this book. In fact, I was fascinated to have a book in my possession that is 105 years old. I love the writing on the back cover, the seals, the texture, and the illustrations. This definitely was not something I could poke fun at in a blog entry. It's practically a relic.
Grading Dressed Turkeys from the USDA, 1938. This was interesting but irrelevant. The USDA used to have us in mind when it came to food. Interesting read, but nothing too funny about it.
Family Circle Illustrated Library of Cooking, Volume 1 Abev, 1972. These libraries or encyclopedias don't really have much of a story. It's mainly recipes and a few pictures but I was only able to tab five pictures.
Betty Crocker's Bisquick Cookbook, 1979. I know how shocking it is that I could not find anything worth blogging about when it comes to my nemesis. I think she was hiding behind the guise of Bisquick. There was no story or attempts at making us feel like we suck at what we do and how we need to do more or else we are branded failures.
Better Homes and Gardens New Junior Cookbook, 1979. I think Betty Crocker had a monopoly on crappy books for kids. I looked and looked but only had a few pages marked. Usually Better Homes and Gardens is my go to book series. Not in this case. I'll stick with Betty Crocker because she even makes kids feel like crap in the kitchen.
Campbell's Cooking With Soup, no publication date. It was just about soup. Nothing but hundreds of recipes on soup. I don't really care for soup. I can't find humor with hundreds of soup recipes. I tried!
Betty Crocker's Cooky Carnival, 1957. Aside from common day "cookie" spelled with a y, there was little information to blog about. Betty slipped through the cracks again. It's okay, Betty. I will have my day. I have that picture cookbook indicated on the cover tabbed and ready to go.
Barbecuing the Weber covered way, 1979. I am fairly certain that my mother had this book. I liked the old smell of it, but I didn't see too much worth blogging about either. After my "Men Who Stare At Grills" blog, I couldn't top it. No, I did not spend $7.99. I think I paid 50 cents for it.
Salads and Salad Dressings, 1965. I would have went crazy on this if there had been colored illustrations. Alas, there were not so I did not find the point in blogging about this book.
Favorite Recipes of America: Salads, 1958. I could have had fun with this one too if there were illustrations. Maybe if there were illustrations the book would have not sold. The majority of my blog is nasty pictures and tuhds. There was nothing in here that was even worth the scan.
Better Homes and Gardens Fondue Cooking, 1970. The only thing interesting was the types of fondue pots used. Otherwise it was just gunk with skewers.
See above fondue cookbook for description. They pretty much came out at the same time. The pictures were also close. Nothing to get too excited about.
Better Homes and Gardens Meals in Minutes, 1973. I have an earlier version and the illustrations and descriptions were far better so I avoided the redundancy. Plus I found four pages worth tabbing.
Latin American Cooking, 1968. There weren't too many foods. It read more like an encyclopedia than a cookbook. It focused more on geography than recipes.
Woman's Day Encyclopedia of Cookery, Volume 4, Cre-Fin, 1966. Barely any pictures and mostly recipes. Most of the following Woman's Day encyclopedias follow this pattern.
Woman's Day Encyclopedia of Cookery Volume 8, Moi-Pee, 1966. Again, nothing blogworthy. Just recipes and a few pictures.
Women's Day Encyclopedia of Cookery Volume 9, Pec-Pur, 1966. I will say the way they are alphabetized makes for interesting words.

Woman's Day Encylopedia of Cookery, Volume 6, Had-Kid, 1966
AHHHH there are more!! Women's Day Encyclopedia of Cooking, Aba-Awo, 1979. Because nothing changed in 13 years. SSDD. People actually spend money on these sets? As you can see, they've gone through the thrift sore rotation a couple of times. It just might make it to a third.
Woman's Day Encyclopedia of Cookery, Volume 5 Car-Chi, 1979. Eh..what was I thinking when I picked up not one but two different incomplete sets of these?
Woman's Day Encyclopedia of Cookery Volume 6, Coo-Dem, 1979. I'm in no hurry to find the rest of these books. Not even the ceramic rabbits on the cover are inspiration. That was the last of the Women's Day Encyclopedias in my possession.
The Cooking of China, . Same idea as the Latin American book. Few recipes and no pictures of interest.
Family Circle Casserole Cookery, 1976 It dealt mostly with slow cookers, but nothing really stood out either. I'm starting to think books between 1940-1970 have the most interesting recipes and pictures.
500 Dishes Delicious From Leftovers, 1949. As much as I hate leftovers, I thought for sure I would have something to write about but there was nothing. Oh well, I still hate leftovers.
Dishes Children Love, date unknown. As picky as my kids are, I thought for sure there would be be something. But there wasn't even a picture of a tuhd.
The Ready, Aim, Cookbook, 1976. If I had an electric foodgun, I bet I would be able to know what the purpose was. However, it's not in my gadgetry.

Those are nearly 30 books that I found nothing that I could blog about. However, I have several waiting for blog entries. I will keep on keeping on. Sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs to find a prince. When I find one, I know it! 

It's been my pleasure to entertain you. I look forward to more interesting blogs. 

Until next time!! Maybe I'll come up with a better closing.