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Saturday, June 16, 2012

All your coronary woes end HERE

First off, I apologize for not updating this sooner, but my husband had back surgery on Wednesday so between running to the hospital and helping him out, I've been a bit busy. I have spent the time with my little sticky tabs and a bunch of cookbooks so it's been building up!

Speaking of building up, we all know coronary disease is serious. The western diet and our sedentary lifestyle is a leading contributor to coronary disease, heart attacks, high cholesterol. Genetics plays a role too. 

All that is serious. However, I'm going to have a little fun with this cookbook I found! Obviously this is not from the U.S. because we usually put another word after coronary. We never say "Oh, I daresay he is having a coronary." This book comes from Australia. It came out around the time years of mayonnaise,cheese, eggs, aspic, red meat, etc started to show its effects.

Anti-Coronary Cookbook, 1978.
Quick shout-out to Laura Dubose for loving this book enough to put a raised seal inside the cover. That's devoted book ownership!
Marinated mushrooms that don't look like they have been marinated in anything. The recipe calls for a pound of mushrooms, a tsp of mustard, 1/2 tsp worcestershire sauce, and a 1/2 cup of cider vinegar. There is no set amount of artificial sweetener but it's also included. Anti-coronary? Possibly. Difficulty in losing weight, potential liver disease, pancreatic issues, possible cancer from artificial sweetener? Well, you have to cut off your nose to spite your face and not have a coronary.
Looks to me like dead vampire a la True Blood will not cause a coronary. The V will lead to euphoric state, psychosis, addiction but at least this meal is anti-coronary.
Tuna Tropicana. Bet you thought it was chunked chicken. Pineapple, canned tuna, fruit, and artificial sweetener will do wonders in preventing a coronary. Just get your mercury levels checked and possibly go through a heavy metal chelation.
Look closely at the swirls. Look very closely. Do you see a letter E? Or do you see the Grim Reaper with his arms outstretched, reaching for his clear sickle disguised as a ladle? Boooooooo...
In a parallel universe, this is a normal looking vegetable soup. In the anti-coronary universe this is orange borscht, containing beef stock, unsweetened tomato juice, and unsweetened orange juice. No wonder the potatoes are looking at it in a disapproving manner. They know they need to be in there.
Our favorite fish model is requesting that you don't judge what he does for a living. He has a family to feed just like all of us. If it means coating his scales in fecal matter, then so be it. He also knows this is anti-coronary because nobody's going to eat him.
Well, well, well. What have we here? A glorious and shimmering two colored mold of something. I about gave myself a coronary when I saw this in here. It is called a Neptune salad. The top layer is unsweetened tomato juice and unflavored gelatin. The bottom is cottage cheese, yogurt, lemon juice, red salmon, tuna and a few vegetables.
While my coronary arteries quiver and my heart sputters, I discover a Summer Chicken. This gorgeous mass has boiled chicken, vegetables, eggs, white wine, and gelatin. Where is the appetizing factor in this? It's just not reaching my brain. Maybe I am hypoxic from the coronary this anti-coronary book has given me.
Veal Birds. Or more realistically, veal turds with overcooked asparagus. As long as it doesn't cause a coronary, who cares what it looks like?
 And this fine display of anti-coronary foods concludes this post. Luckily, healthy food looks a little more palatable in this day and age. 

Until next time!!! 

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