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Saturday, May 26, 2012

Microwave Cooking. The myths, magic, adventures, and BS Flags.

At the end of the 70s, the microwave revolution began. Aspics out, microwave roasted turkey for Thanksgiving in. I did not know much about cooking during my youth, but I do know when my parents left my sister and I home alone, the first thing we would do is go to the cookbooks and look for something to make. Imagine our surprise when we saw a cookbook that put the smart car sized box in our kitchen to use. It had enough nuclear energy to power a small town for the next 200 years. There was even a radiation symbol on the back. Impressive. Scary. Taboo. Did our brownies turn out? Not at all. They had the taste and texture of mud.

These recipes are not the usual ugly and creepy recipes I look for when I blog or search for a good, classic cookbook. I am trying to figure out how a whole turkey or a whole lobster can be cooked to perfection. It's possible, yes. Farfetched to the amateur cook. Hence the BS flags are going up.

 Below are the cookbooks that were used. All the recipes and pictures look the same in each book. The only thing different is the cover and manufacturer and the adjective used to describe the "magic" or "adventure" within the book.

The MAGIC of Microwave by Magic Chef. No date of publication. The roast looks like it was cooked in the microwave.
Kenmore didn't even try to come up with a description.
ADVENTURES in microwave cooking, 1983,
Salmon ring and creamed peas. The food photographers are finally getting it.
Oy I would hate to open this microwave a few days later. A whole fish. Really? 
Half of a whole lobster. My scanner is apparently not as big as a 1980s microwave. But the two page spread is a beaut. There's even a lemon slice.
I'm so grateful to have read the grisly description of lobstercide. It takes less time to cook one in a pot.
I would love to meet the person who can pull off a crown from the microwave. They would be highly revered.
A whole turkey! Imagine the horror when the man of the house, after clinging his knife and carving fork together, cuts into this and it deflates like a balloon. Or the snickers from the kiddie table when they hear the sawing of knife against frozen meat. The ladies nervously drink their wine as an awkward silence ensues.
This looks like the only thing that was cooked in a microwave.
There had to be at least one molded ring. Eggs in a microwave? Good luck with that!
The suspecting part of my mind feels that the same fish was used already.This one just has a pimento eye to cover up the lies and a crumb blanket to maintain some semblance of dignity. 
Not only can you stink up a microwave for generations to come, but after the whole fish and lobster have cooked, drying flowers is the next best thing. All those fumes and radiation mixing together can't be a bad thing!
 Convincing, isn't it? I'll stick to a stove and oven and leave the microwave for simple things. I'm renting this house. I don't think my landlord would be too keen on his microwave smelling like fish, eggs, lobster, and flowers. 

Notice I didn't say I would use my microwave for popcorn? That's another discussion for another time. 

Thanks for reading!